he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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