I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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