im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
