my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
