What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
