I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize