Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
