I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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