I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
