I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
