wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
