He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
