im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
