I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
