Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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