I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
