He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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