Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
