its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize