I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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