Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
