there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
