Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
