Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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