Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize