So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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