my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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