Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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