just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
should my penis look like a turkey
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I love you. Go after that dick
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
