I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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