On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize