when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
