shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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