I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
