WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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