I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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