dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
