hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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