If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
