why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize