and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
