She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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