Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
