I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize