I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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