Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
why do cheetos always look like penises
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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