I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
