you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
