I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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