dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
