id be glad to
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize