you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
