just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
