I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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