everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize