WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
