two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
