I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
