If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
