if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
