you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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