Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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