Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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