I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
