I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
