I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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