i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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