i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
