i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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