Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
