conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
