He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
