it glows. i had to have it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
