Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize