dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
