Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
