Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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