im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
