Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
