I smell stomach acid.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
