I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
