She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
