Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
