You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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