looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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