he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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