Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize