i think my mom watched the whole time
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
