WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
