everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
