i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize