Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
