I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
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