I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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