I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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