If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
