Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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