it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
