I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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