South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
